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How to Apologize to Your Kids October 11, 2008

Filed under: For Zahra,wiki-How? — ummeaaiman @ 1:46 pm

How and When to Say You’re Sorry
By Jennifer Wolf, About.com

As parents, we all experience times when we wish we could take back something we said or did. You may notice, too, that these moments tend to happen more frequently – and more intensely – during times of increased stress, when you are over tired, or simply trying to do too many things at once. So how should you handle it when you’ve done or said something you regret? Use this five-step plan to apologize to your kids:

1. Replay the scene in your mind.

2. Try to see it from your child’s point of view.

3. Imagine what it felt like to your child.

4. Think through what you could have done differently.

5. Communicate steps 1-4 to your child.

Additional Tips:

* In particular, spend a lot of time on step number three, so that you can communicate your apology with genuine compassion.

* Invite your child to share with you how he or she is feeling.

* Talk together about how you will prevent the same mistake from happening in the future.

* Share your experience with another parent who can help you to be accountable to following through on what you have promised to your child.

* Finally, be forgiving of yourself, too. We’re all human, and one of the things that makes you a great parent is your willingness to grow and learn from your mistakes.

 

Make a No Bake Cherry Cheesecake – wikiHow May 5, 2008

Filed under: wiki-How? — ummeaaiman @ 5:24 pm

from wikiHow – The How to Manual That You Can Edit

As it starts to get warmer and cherry season kicks into gear, you might yearn for the refreshing and enriching flavor of a cherry cheesecake but shudder (or sweat) at the thought of turning on the oven. With this recipe, all you need to do is mix the ingredients, chill, and savor this light dessert.


Ingredients

  • 16 ounces cream cheese ([2] 8 ounce packages, 0.45 kg)
  • 1 tablespoon (13g) vanilla extract
  • 1 teaspoon (5g) lemon juice
  • 1 14 oz. can (415mL) of sweetened condensed milk
  • 8 oz. (227g) cherry pie filling
  • 1 pie crust (already baked)

Steps

  1. Soften the cream cheese by letting it stand for about 10 minutes at room temperature.
  2. Chill lemon juice in refrigerator for 5 minutes.
  3. Mix together the softened cream cheese, sweetened condensed milk, and vanilla in a large mixing bowl. Mix or beat until smooth.
  4. Add the lemon using a wooden spoon for stirring.
  5. Pour the batter into the pie crust.
  6. Spread the cheesecake filling evenly throughout the pie crust.
  7. Chill this cheesecake in the refrigerator for 20 minutes or until cold.
  8. Top the cheesecake with cherry pie filling.
  9. Chill the cheesecake for another 10 minutes.
  10. Serve.

Tips

  • The cherry pie filling does not have to be cold, but can be if desired.
  • Chocolate or other favorite topping may be used instead of cherries.
  • Great for parties.

Things You’ll Need

  • Large mixing bowl
  • Wooden spoon
  • Mixer
  • Can opener
  • Regular spoon

Related wikiHows

Article provided by wikiHow, a collaborative writing project to build the world’s largest, highest quality how-to manual. Please edit this article and find author credits at the original wikiHow article on How to Make a No Bake Cherry Cheesecake. All content on wikiHow can be shared under a Creative Commons license.

 

Overcome Your Fear of Public Speaking – wikiHow May 5, 2008

Filed under: wiki-How? — ummeaaiman @ 5:15 pm

from wikiHow – The How to Manual That You Can Edit

Did you know that Public Speaking is the # 1 Fear in North America? The second greatest fear is death! If you have the fear of public speaking, you are not alone. You must first recognize what “fear” is. Fear is the anticipation of pain. Is your fear real or imagined?


Steps

  1. The fear of being judged, making a mistake, not measuring up, getting hurt either mentally or physically can get in the way of a good performance (speech, seminar, sales presentation, etc). Remember that people in the audience really want you to succeed. Nobody is standing there hoping you’ll be boring or bad. If you are coming from an authentic place, and you cover the material with clarity, you’ve won 3/4 of your inner battle with fear.
  2. Learn how to enroll and engage your audience. If you haven’t yet taken a professional development course on public speaking, consider finding a public speaking training course appropriate for your needs. Learning the art of public speaking can enhance your results in a boardroom, in a sales presentation, and even accelerate your climb up the corporate ladder. It is a must-skill for any executive and/or business owner.
  3. Practice. Find business organizations, networks and clubs in your area (such as Toastmasters) that can afford you the opportunity to practice. Remember to choose topics that you are already an expert on. Speaking on a topic that you are not familiar with will increase your stress, and impede on your performance.
  4. Buy some recording software, and record everything on your laptop. Review it to see where you can improve. Have speaking pros attend your live presentation to give you feedback. Allow yourself the opportunity to learn more every time you go out.
  5. Remember, even the top professionals learn something new every single time they go out!

Tips

  • Remember that when you are asked to speak, if you are coming from a place of service, you can’t go wrong. Remember, it’s not about you. It’s about them – your audience. You are not the star, they are.
  • Be authentic.
  • If you go to school, volunteer to read the text when the class is reading textbooks.
  • Don’t take anything personally.
  • Remember, you don’t look as nervous as you feel.
  • It gets easier. Practice is a good thing.
  • Only you know what you are supposed to say or do so it’s OK to change things during the presentation. (It’s OK not to be word-for-word as your wrote it)
  • Trust yourself.
  • Tell yourself, “One is admired when looked upon by others.”
  • SMILE

Warnings

  • If you don’t know the answer to a question, ask the audience if anyone knows the answer to the question (you don’t have to admit you don’t know it…you just ask the audience).
  • Don’t give a wrong or uninformed answer. Defer to a later time and ask “is it okay if I get back to you on that on the break. I want to make sure I cover the subject well, and get you the right answer”.
  • (avoid standing behind podiums, tables or any physical barrier between you and your audience).
  • Avoid death by power point! Overuse of power point will put your audience to sleep!

Things You’ll Need

  • Optional materials for presentations:
  • Flip Chart, Flip Chart Paper, Markers, Promotional Material, Microphone, Music Stand (to hold your notes), Lots of Water (drink lots),

Related wikiHows

Sources and Citations

  • [1], Lead Trainer Paul Tobey Career Training

Article provided by wikiHow, a collaborative writing project to build the world’s largest, highest quality how-to manual. Please edit this article and find author credits at the original wikiHow article on How to Overcome Your Fear of Public Speaking. All content on wikiHow can be shared under a Creative Commons license.

 

Improve Your Speaking Voice – wikiHow May 5, 2008

Filed under: wiki-How? — ummeaaiman @ 5:12 pm

from wikiHow – The How to Manual That You Can Edit

After your appearance, your voice is one of the first things that people will notice. Your speaking voice can play a huge role in the impression that people get from you. The stronger and more eloquent your voice is, the greater the likelihood of you making a good first impression.


Steps

  1. Understand your goal. A good voice is always attractive. Your voice influences your opinions of oneself, thus it is all the more important to be happy with your own.
  2. Gauge the situation. Get an opinion from a trustworthy friend or someone whom you can rely upon to get an opinion of yourself and your voice.
  3. Study vocal control. Learning music will greatly improve your control over your voice. Believe it or not, taking singing lessons can help you to identify where in your lungs and gut to project your voice from.
  4. Learn from the best. Try listening to those people whose voices you admire. You can go to your public library to find famous speeches on tape or search for some on the internet.

Tips

  • Record yourself speaking so you identify your faults.
  • Learn new words and try to make sentences with them, then try to use them in daily conversation.
    Try talking without excess hand gestures.
  • Do not use filler words such as “like” or “um”, just pause instead.

Warnings

  • Do not use foul language when speaking, it can backfire.
  • Do not speak formally to close friends, you may sound condescending.

Related wikiHows

Article provided by wikiHow, a collaborative writing project to build the world’s largest, highest quality how-to manual. Please edit this article and find author credits at the original wikiHow article on How to Improve Your Speaking Voice. All content on wikiHow can be shared under a Creative Commons license.

 

Think Before Speaking – wikiHow April 23, 2008

Filed under: wiki-How? — ummeaaiman @ 3:09 pm

“Even a fool, when he holds his peace, is counted wise: and he that shuts his lips is esteemed a man of understanding.” Proverbs 17:28 American King James Bible

One of the most obvious and significant attributes to mankind is the ability to communicate through speech. An interesting corollary is that we can also communicate our thoughts in real time; we do not need to plan what we’re going to say before we say it. This has both advantages and disadvantages. It would be clearly undesirable for us to have to formulate our thoughts before we issue an immediate warning (“run!”) and communication would be dramatically slowed if we were unable to respond, naturally, to people in normal conversation.

On the other hand, this innate ability is often the source of consternation when what we say on the spur of the moment is something we later wish we had either not said, or said differently; it happens to everyone, sometimes, the trick is to remember when. Typically, this happens when we are responding quickly in stressful situations, or during confrontation, although it can happen at any time. Recognizing that we do not always say what we would like to communicate is an important realization – how to help mitigate that issue is not complex, but does require some behavioral changes. The goal is to be aware of when to talk naturally and fluidly, and when to think before we speak… and when not to speak at all.

Steps

  1. Observe yourself: Take note of when this happens to you. What circumstances led to your saying things that, later, you wish you had said differently. Does it happen mostly with one particular person (or group of people)? Is it most often in arguments or debates? Is it when you’re “on the spot” for information? Try to find a pattern. It might be helpful to start a journal of events so you can compare these at your leisure.
  2. Recognize your porn situation: After you determine what circumstances might be most likely to produce this unwanted effect, try to be very observant about when those conditions appear to be manifesting. The more skilled you become at recognizing this, the better you will be at changing your approach.
  3. Observe the conversation: Now that you know you’re in one of “those” situations, the goal is for you to process information. Often when we respond in a less than appropriate way, it’s because we didn’t fully comprehend what was being said. This is the time to sit back and listen to what’s going on around you. Don’t start focusing on what you’re going to say; just absorb. Your mind will process this information in the background.
  4. Observe the people: Who is speaking and how do they communicate? Some people are very literal and some people use examples. Some people use a lot of facial expression and body language to augment their conversation whereas others rely on complex verbiage. How people convey information is a very good indicator of how they best absorb information.
  5. Formulate responses: Not just one, but consider your options. There are many different ways to say things. and your goal here is to find the best way to convey what you want to say in a way that has a positive impact. Communication is primarily a function of the recipient so you have to communicate based on the listener.
  6. Consider the information: Is what you want to say Effective, Necessary, Accurate, Timely, and Appropriate (ENATA)? If you are just responding because other people are talking, then it’s possible your communication doesn’t fit the ENATA model. If not, then sit back and continue to listen. You want what you say to have impact, not just make noise.
  7. Gauge the reaction: Is the information you’re going to present formulated in a way to make a positive impact. Creating a negative atmosphere will guarantee failure in communications. You want people to understand that you are contributing rather than detracting. It only takes once to ruin your ability to communicate during that time. Identify how the listeners will react.
  8. Be thoughtful about your tone: How you say it is, in many ways, as important as what you say. Tone of voice can convey enthusiasm and sincerity, or it can rebuff and show sarcasm, and as most people have experienced, what we say can be taken in the wrong way. The most likely reason is that the tone of voice, what was said, body and facial language, as well as content, were not all thoughtfully combined to integrate with the listener’s most effective method of communication.
  9. Communicate: You now know what you’ll say, why it’s ENATA, how you’ll say it and the most likely reaction. Wait for an appropriate break in the conversation and speak. It’s usually best not to interrupt, although there are occasions when that will work best. When to interrupt is beyond the scope of this document.
  10. Repeat Step 1: While you’re talking, consider what you’re saying and keep a close watch on the reactions as they emerge. After the conversation is over, review the whole process again in your mind and note what you might have done differently and why. This is an ongoing process. Over time, you will refine and improve – you will become a better communicator and people will accept your responses with a more open mind.

Tips

  • When you say something you shouldn’t have, fix it in your mind to avoid that specific situation in the future.
  • Make sure your comments are relevant and appropriate to the conversation. Don’t stray from the topic – stay focused.
  • This will take time – it should become a part of your life. As you get better, you will be regarded as someone whose opinion is valued.
  • Wait 5 or 10 seconds before responding. This gives you time to formulate a): whether a response is required, and b): an appropriate and thoughtful response.
  • Remember the famous and well-known quote by Abraham Lincoln: “It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.” If you haven’t planned your comments well, give yourself more time to think.

Warnings

  • If you do not know what you’re talking about, do not try to be convincing. It’s OK to express an opinion, but make sure people know you’re speculating.
  • If people aren’t actually addressing you, they may not want your opinion. Try to tone down how much you force yourself into conversations.


Related wikiHows

Article provided by wikiHow, a collaborative writing project to build the world’s largest, highest quality how-to manual. Please edit this article and find author credits at the original wikiHow article on How to Think Before Speaking. All content on wikiHow can be shared under a Creative Commons license.

 

Think Ahead – wikiHow March 6, 2008

Filed under: wiki-How? — ummeaaiman @ 6:10 pm

How to Think Ahead

from wikiHow – The How to Manual That You Can Edit

No one can see the future, yet we all must make guesses about it in order to make decisions and be better prepared for what comes our way. The guesses that we make aren’t based on seeing the future, but on our knowledge and past experiences, with a little bit of insight mixed in. Here’s how you can get better at thinking ahead.

Steps

  1. Determine what you want to plan or prepare for. The future is a big place with many eventualities, but chances are that you want to address a specific situation, problem, or opportunity. Define this end to the best of your abilities.
  2. Use your intuition. Not all decisions are rational or carefully analyzed, and intuitive guesses can often be quite powerful. What feels right? What do you think will happen? When you use your intuition, you draw upon your experience and knowledge in a different way than when you make a rational analysis.
    • Listen to your first instinct. Intuition often works best before you’ve had time to study any details, so pay attention to it, even if you do not act immediately on it.
    • Intuition may clue you in to emotional factors and subtle cues that you might otherwise miss. If something feels wrong about a situation or you just don’t like somebody, don’t ignore it, even if you can’t put your finger on the problem.
    • Use intuition as a “lead” rather than as a solution. Investigate what might be causing your hunch or gut feeling and dig deeper until you find it.

  3. Consider what you already know. Prior knowledge comes from many places. Have you tried something similar before? Do you know how somebody is likely to react? Have you seen something done or could you read about others’ experiences with a situation? Could you ask others? Can you try something out or gather data that might suggest what could happen?
  4. Detect your own bias. People tend to bias their guesses and actions in certain predictable ways. For example, recent events may play a larger role in influencing decisions than they warrant; or, you may be more likely to believe something just because everyone around you believes it. If you think this sort of thing is happening, start looking closely at hard evidence (like facts and numbers) and question your own assumptions. Consult the list of cognitive biases[1] for common presumptions and biases and see if any apply to you.
  5. Invent hypothetical situations related to your objective. As yourself “what if” for various possibilities and imagine possible outcomes, possible courses of events that could result. Especially, think about possible consequences of different courses of action.
  6. Consider the worst-case scenario. What is the worst thing that could possibly happen? Evaluate the possible risks.
    • Is the worst case something you and others could tolerate? Could you clean up a mess, try again later, apologize, lose a bit of money, or cope with criticism or rejection?
    • Is the worst case something you could plan for, avoid, or mitigate?
    • Is the worst case too risky or too undesirable?
    • How likely is the worst case, and how likely is an undesirable outcome?

  7. Consider the best-case scenario. What is the best thing that could possibly happen? Evaluate the possible rewards.
    • What can you do to bias the outcome towards the best case?
    • Where should you set your goals?
    • How likely is the best case, and how likely is a desirable outcome?

  8. Think of possible actions to take. If you are trying to think ahead, it is probably because you want to decide how to respond to some situation or need, so think of possible responses.
  9. Evaluate those actions. Based on your experience and knowledge about how such events usually turn out, choose or narrow down which action to take.
  10. Prepare. Whatever you have to get ready, be it people, equipment, facilities, plans, or simply courage, get it ready.
    • Writing can be a powerful tool for preparation. It helps you remember your plans, and it helps you to see them completely. Use a calendar or notebook, checklist, chart, whatever helps you.

  11. Try it. Act according to your forecasts and your plans. Then, let nature (or politics, or the market) take its course. See what happens. By taking note of the outcome, you will have more experience and knowledge to draw upon the next time you must make a decision such as this one.
  12. Adjust. As you see what really does transpire, adjust your actions or responses as best you can. You may not have the opportunity to change course after you begin, but if you do have the benefit of new information or results, use them to decide how to modify your actions in the present and in the future.


Tips

  • The best- and worst-case scenarios help you establish a range of likely possibilities and make plans and decisions accordingly.
  • Practice. Even when you’re not the one planning or forecasting, make predictions and watch what happens. This process will help you refine your predictions.
  • Brainstorm together with others. Thinking ahead need not be done solo, and you will have the insights and ideas of everybody you consult. Also, ideas often feed other ideas.
  • Skilled planners are in demand throughout the business world. If you get good at thinking ahead, consider making a career of it.
  • Inaction is a possible response in many situations, but evaluate its merits and risks, too. It can have benefits (more information may come later or somebody’s involvement could harm his or her reputation), but it can also have risks (missed deadlines or opportunities). An in-between approach might be to wait for a little while, perhaps just long enough to learn more.
  • Be honest with yourself. No amount of wishful thinking is going to stop the next natural disaster, but the realistic admission that one might happen could lead you to prepare appropriately.
  • Statistics and probability are mathematical ways of analyzing track records. Use them if you need numerical information about how likely an outcome is.


Warnings

  • Don’t get so caught up in thinking ahead that you fail to act. Often, the best thing to do is to try something based on your best guess and see whether it works.
  • Treat your guesses and plans as just that. No one can foresee every eventuality.


Related wikiHows


Sources and Citations

  1. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_cognitive_biases

Article provided by wikiHow, a collaborative writing project to build the world’s largest, highest quality how-to manual. Please edit this article and find author credits at the original wikiHow article on How to Think Ahead. All content on wikiHow can be shared under a Creative Commons license.

 

Increase Your Metabolism – wikiHow February 26, 2008

Filed under: wiki-How? — ummeaaiman @ 11:51 am

Increase Your Metabolism – wikiHow


How to Increase Your Metabolism

from wikiHow – The How to Manual That You Can Edit

If you’re trying to lose weight and think your metabolism might be the culprit, there are changes you can make to improve it. But with the commercialism surrounding “metabolism-enhancing” products, it can be hard to separate fact from fiction (or advertising) and pin down techniques that are scientifically proven to change one’s metabolism.

Steps

  1. Understand what metabolism is. In the simplest terms, metabolism is the rate at which your body burns calories. The rate differs significantly from person to person. You and your friend can have the same activity level, diet, and weight but still gain or lose weight at different rates based on differences in metabolism.
  2. Determine what is influencing your metabolism. There are some factors that you can change, and some factors that you can’t.
    • Age – metabolism slows 5% per decade after age 40[1]
    • Sex – men generally burn calories faster than women[1]
    • Heredity – you can inherit your metabolic rate from previous generations[1]
    • Thyroid disorder – problems in the thyroid gland can slow metabolism but this is rare[1]
    • Proportion of lean body mass – metabolism increases with muscle mass[1]

  3. Calculate your resting metabolic rate (RMR). RMR is often used interchangeably with basal metabolic rate (BMR); although they are slightly different, estimating either is sufficient for the purpose of losing weight. To calculate your RMR, use the Mifflin-St Jeor equation (which is more reliable than the Harris-Benedict equation[2]). There are also calculators online that can do this for you:
    • RMR = 9.99w + 6.25s – 4.92a + 166g-161
    • w = weight in kilograms; if you know your weight in pounds, divide by 2.2 to get your weight in kilograms
    • s = height in centimeters; if you know your height in inches, multiply by 2.54 to get your height in centimeters
    • a = age in years
    • g = gender = 1 for males, 0 for females

  4. Adjust your diet accordingly. Your RMR will tell you how many calories you need to maintain your body at rest. Your daily consumption to maintain your weight should be:[3]
    • RMR x 1.15
    • E.g. RMR = 2000, so the maintenance intake is 2000 x 1.15 = 2300
    • To lose weight safely, consume no more than your maintenance intake but no less than your RMR.
    • Count calories by recording what you eat and looking up how many calories each food item contains (either on the food packaging or in tables provided in books or online).

  5. Eat small, frequent meals. Extending the time between meals makes your body go into “starvation mode”, which means it’ll hold onto as many calories as possible and store them as fat. This is why fasting and skipping meals will only make things worse. In addition to having four to six small meals per day[4] eating healthy snacks will also increase metabolism.[1]
  6. Drink water. As with food, depriving your body of water can encourage it to “hoard” rather than “burn”. In order to encourage your liver to focus on metabolism rather than water retention, make sure you drink an appropriate amount of water.
  7. Boost metabolism temporarily with aerobic exercise. Different activities burn different quantities of calories, but the important thing is to raise your heart rate and sustain the activity for approximately 30 minutes.
  8. Boost metabolism in the long run with weight training. Muscle burns more calories than fat (73 more calories per kilogram per day, to be exact)[1] so the more muscle you build, the higher your resting metabolic rate (RMR). Every bit of muscle that you gain is like a little factory that burns calories for you 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. This is the only way to increase RMR, which accounts for 60 to 70 percent of the calories you burn daily.[5]


Tips

  • There are no “fat-burning” foods. You might’ve heard that certain foods (like celery and grapefruit) increase metabolism, but it’s just a myth.[4] While some foods and drinks like red peppers and green tea have been studied for their potential metabolism-increasing properties, there is no conclusive evidence that whatever influence they have on metabolism is significant enough to result in weight loss.[1]
  • However, some believe that certain extremely low-calorie foods, such as celery, cause the body to burn more calories in the act of consumption than are absorbed by the body. Still, half an hour walking will burn many more calories than half an hour of chewing celery.
  • Always consult a dietician or doctor before making a major change in your diet and exercise routine.


Warnings

  • Avoid the ‘Smoke Yourself Thin’ weight-loss method. While nicotine is a metabolism booster and appetite suppressant, when the surgeons cut your lungs out that’s extra weight you don’t want to lose.
  • Expect your metabolism to slow down as you lose weight. The more weight your body is carrying, the more calories your body has to burn in order to sustain itself, even at rest. When you begin restricting your calorie intake, you’ll lose weight relatively easily because your body’s high caloric needs are not being met. But after you begin to shed the weight, the body has less mass to carry and thus needs fewer calories. In order to continue losing weight, you will have to restrict your caloric intake even further in order to maintain a difference between what your body needs and what you are providing.[1] Let’s go through a hypothetical example:
    • You are 200 lbs and your body needs 2500 calories a day to sustain itself.
    • You cut down your caloric intake to 2000 calories.
    • You lose 25 lbs. Now your body only needs 2250 calories to sustain itself because it’s carrying less weight.
    • If you continue with your 2000 calorie per day diet (the diet that helped you lose the first 25 lbs) you will still be losing, but at half the speed. In order to maintain a steady weight loss you will need to reduce your caloric intake further. However, it is at the utmost importance you do not try to consume fewer calories than your RMR!
    • Another possible problem: If you continue with your 2000 calorie per day diet (the diet that helped you lose the first 25 lbs) you may actually gain weight back because of varying levels of exercise. Let’s say you lose 50 lbs. on your 2000 calorie diet. Your sustaining calories might be 1800. You’re actually consuming enough calories to gain weight, but how would that happen if you had stayed to your diet. This can happen when your exercise has burned through many calories. If you slowed on exercise at this point you would actually gain weight again. The point here is to recheck your RMR when you lose weight and compare it to your consumption.


Related wikiHows


Sources and Citations

  1. 1.0 1.1 1.2 1.3 1.4 1.5 1.6 1.7 1.8 http://www.webmd.com/fitness-exercise/guide/make-most-your-metabolism
  2. http://www.adajournal.org/article/PIIS0002822305001495/abstract
  3. http://books.google.com/books?id=gRrp3yphhC0C&pg=PT259&lpg=PT259&dq=%2B%22caloric+intake%22+%2Brmr&source=web&ots=En__f5a15l&sig=j7IwWkrMdgfTuDb5Fd27QqWNW14
  4. 4.0 4.1 http://www.webmd.com/diet/features/rev-up-your-metabolism
  5. http://www.webmd.com/fitness-exercise/features/jump-start-your-metabolism

Article provided by wikiHow, a collaborative writing project to build the world’s largest, highest quality how-to manual. Please edit this article and find author credits at the original wikiHow article on How to Increase Your Metabolism. All content on wikiHow can be shared under a Creative Commons license.

 

 
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