In two months I learned one important lesson in life.
Self Importance is so essential for each person. If you value yourself, others will value you. If you give importance to yourself and your likes and dislikes and wants and needs – others will also.
You are as important as you think you are.
Another thing, it is extremely important for strong and equal relationships to give importance to the important people in your life AND to Yourself… which in short means ‘don’t lose yourself so completely in your relationship with someone that it gives him/her perpetual chances to treat you indifferently.’
Learned from observing someone extremely close to my heart.
Faroo hasn’t commented on my Diary Post…. I’ve invited her to be guest writer but she isn’t writing……..
Where on earth are you babe?
to my Little Potty Machine.
Mother’s are a truly blessed lot. And I’m just learning slowly, slowly – “why”.
One of the first things I realized is a well known saying, “A child gives birth to a mother.” I felt like a new person when I saw the little dot on the sonography device. I felt reborn when the doctor set newborn Zahra on my chest.
It is overwhelming when only I can calm her, when it is only me who can fulfill her requirements for nourishment, when my family asks me what can be and cannot be done to and for her, what she wants now and every time.
And then my potty machine started sleeping more, feeding less, screaming less, playing was forgotten, cooing gone and pooping all day.
Immediately I knew she was down with infection. Told mom and dad. And they gave me every reason why she could be like this. And every reason they gave me had to do with the food I’d been eating. I believed it was the silicone shields that had hurt my baby. After calling the doctor, we administered the Pre & Probiotic , as prescribed. Morning, we collected her stool and took it to the pathology.
We rushed her to the doctor with the report in hand soon afterward. As I’d predicted, she was down with infection. Doc was surprised at this since her only source of food is my milk. Since he was aware of my usage of silicone shields, he immediately pointed it out. Now I have to sterilize them longer to eliminate every possibility of the bad bacteria that could infect Zahra.
At that time, I felt like a miracle, I could tell exactly what was wrong with my baby. Just by looking at her face, just by judging her cries, within minutes.
I’m beginning to appreciate my mother more and more with each passing day, with every episode shared with my child, with every little feeling aroused in me, catching on a new meaning. Her smiles and cooing taking my heart away, every time. The things mom has done for me. The endurances. I’m beginning to understand the love of my mother. Unquestioning. All knowing. Unconditional. Powerful. Wow.
……………..right now as she makes those oooooooooooooooo’s and aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa’s in response to my silly songs. Some of it being:
She’s the apple of my eye (didn’t know eyes have apples!)
She’s the star in my sky
She’s the planet in my universe
She’s the oregano in my pizza
She’s the cherry in my cake
And her mamu (my brother) said rightly, “How can someone cause so much trouble and still be soooooo loved?” – Tweaks, a child’s wonder has never been more aptly described!
Ever so silently,
I thank him for the gift.
Ever so silently,
He thanks me for the gift.
Together, in every moment,
We thank her for being the gift,
And then we bow our heads to Allah,
to thank him for this gift.
LABOR! (The first pain came in at 3:30 am on the 20th of March. The pains regularized at the span of a minute. So I was unprepared for the hell-joy ride. After taking the pains for three hours continuously, mom called the resident doc. She sedated me, and said I’d feel the pain in my sleep! THANK YOU!!
The pains got worse in my sleep. I’d be asleep and then the bone racking pain would seep through my spine and legs and abdomen and I’d cry and wince in pain. At 8 am, they gave me another sedative, which put me off to sleep for four and a half hours – while in sleep, I trembled, and begged for someone to hold me through the horror. Hubby was there with me since 6 am. Mom and He and an aunt.
All I remember of what was spoken during labor:
Aunt: (holding my hand, wiping my tears, caressing my hair) Umme don’t worry. Say Ya Ali and all your problems will go away.
Me: (in unbearable pain, freaking out at her, “what’d she know? I was the one going through hell”) Fuck God!!
Aunt and DH: Laughing at me. Askin me to be quiet! Ok Umme, no more bull shitting you!
After this conversation, I guess things got worse and I don’t remember a thing of what happened until 12:30 pm. When doc said I was only 6 cms dilated. Few more hours. I freaked out. How much more? Wailing as though the tears would deliver the baby. The pains had been continous and worsening for ten hours. Doc asked me if I wanted the epidural. I jumped at the chance, called DH in and discussed it with him. The anasthetist came in to pump me. After that, all was roses and happiness.)
The Labor Room! (I got to see it at 2:20 PM. I was shivering from the thought of finally having to push.. thought I’d die or something. Doc came in all prepared. The anesthetist was by my side. DH was preparing to come by my side. Doc already started his job and he and the anesthetist would guide me to push whenever there was a contraction… me – I couldn’t feel a thing after the last top up of the epidural shot.. so then the pushing wasn’t much help. Doc said he’d have to help me get the baby out. He requested forceps and got the baby out in a fraction. DH got to watch that whole scene….. I was hoping he’d not go crazy… cuz I was for sure!!)
A Daughter is Born! – (Doc put her on my chest and said, “You’ve a beautiful daughter!” She was covered in vernix, but she felt so good!! And I saw her and my husband and wept and wept… Finally, we had our baby! Finally, after all that waiting! And there was no need to worry anymore! She was normal, healthy, 6.6 pounds, what more could we want? And she cried the moment she entered the world!
We were finally the parents of our child. We finally had the identity we so craved for. And all my words for the feelings I had cannot compare with the experience of that first contact and what I felt at that time……)
MY WATER BROKE! (never imagined it breaking in this way, at food time, while serving myself food, all dressed up with make up, ready to devour the meal and rush to catch a movie…)
I WEPT A BUCKET! (imagine how embarrassing it is to think you have urinated in presence of your whole family and then to spy a little bit of blood.. and then to realize your water’s broken! – By that time dad, mom, bro, cousin bro were all running from place to place to take me to the hospital. My darling hubby was cool, he washed me off, kept telling me things were normal and not to be frightened. And frightened out of my wits, I was! Finally, D-Day had come. Supposedly, I was mentally prepared for labor. Turns out, I didn’t feel, look, or act that way.)
DAD DROVE! (at full speed! Bro followed behind on bike! Iqbal was behind with me, holding my hand, keeping me calm – he himself a bit tensed.)
THE HOSPITAL! (We reached the reception, showed them the admission papers, and were directed to the maternity ward. They took me to the labor room where my ob/gyn came in, checked me and the baby and let me know that it could take minimum 20 hours before delivery! Poor Shocked me! Couldn’t imagine lying in this dirty mess of a hospital gown stained with blood and fluid thereby creating a messy bed.. not to mention the labor pains that’d eventually grapple!
They then moved me into my room. Doc came in to clarify any doubts we might have. My family was there with me right until late hours. The nurses eventually asked the men and all other women except for mom to leave. We promised to call the guys the moment labor began)
KEEP UP FOR THE REST!
Waiting for the Air Arabia flight to touch Mumbai.
Waiting for my husband in it.
Meanwhile, I’ve given baby all the authority to decide to come today.
And then… Iqbal calls in to let me know that the flight is late. He’ll be in India by 5:30 am.
Awww… sometimes I want to just wait at the airport. Sleep in my car…
Then there is today when there were many ‘sometimes’ I wished constantly for my water to break or pass the mucus plug… or SOMETHING!!!
